He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
