this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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