No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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