She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
