i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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