She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
