I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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