Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
