Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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