I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There's always time for handjobs
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
