I just saw a hot homeless man
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
