Just fell off a train. Bad.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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