i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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