If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
