my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
