Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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