Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
you had me at cake vodka
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
