They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
