Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
