im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
