is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
