sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
