I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
