we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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