I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
