i just google imaged poop.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
