I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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