Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
