I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
