I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
