Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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