you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
