eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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