how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
