Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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