i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
