Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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