So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
