And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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