She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
