dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
