Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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