We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
