Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize