Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
