Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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