why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
