Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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