i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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