who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
