Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
