need another drink. this is the easiest way
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
