No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
