why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
