i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
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He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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