i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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