haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
