There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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