3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
