So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
