How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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