before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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