Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just cropdusted the office
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I came so hard my ears popped.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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