this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
