my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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