who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Damn victory sex feels great
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
