I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
