All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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