I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
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