My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He felt like a one man threesome
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
