It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
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Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
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She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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