First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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