idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
