i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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