don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just invented taco cereal.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
