Whod you bang
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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